Nirvana is overrated. (gsocks) wrote,
Nirvana is overrated.
gsocks

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Current Disposition: Hating every minute of my life

This is the last day of the seven-day period I've come to hate.
Who said 2005 was awful? I hate 2006.
Rundown:
Wednesday - My pitbull puppy, shitass, was stolen.
Thursday - My phone got cut-off, temporarily(at least I thought, at the time.)
Friday - Turns out my mom doesn't want to cough up 140 dollars for me to go to the doctor and get my back/neck/jaw checked out. Twelve dollars more than what she makes in one day at her job.
Saturday - Pretty fun.. still having slight depression from previous days' events.
Sunday - 5AM.. in OKC, car breaks down. Completely. Get stranded in the entrance of a huge car lot(after being pushed bumper-to-bumper by a random security person not even from the area. Cops come to "help?". I'm high. They call a tow-truck which I can't afford.. so I beat the car into submission enough to get around the block.. out of the road into a parking lot. I let the car rest thinking it would restart again in a few hours like it normally does and runs fine. Nope. It starts, alright, but only to break down at the stop sign that leads onto a very busy street. Get pushed by rare kind stranger (very rare in OKC obviously) back into parking lot. I was supposed to be at work at 8 AM. Mom gets up to finally get us at 1:30PM.
Sunday (cont'd) - Lost my job for not being there when scheduled. A job that I actually really, really fucking liked.
Monday - Officially informed I lost my job.
Tuesday - Applied for Job Corps (what else do I have? Nothing. Exactly.) and turns out I can't get in until I get my warrant in Tulsa taken care of. Call about paying said warrant/fines off and I have to go to court again to have the judge even consider me being able to pay it off. I have a huge phobia of going to court and being thrown in jail. (I worry about this with everything.. traffic tickets included.)
Wednesday - Get my w-2 in hopes of filing rapidly and getting the money to take up to court and pay at least a large portion of said fines.. fill out the tax form (I even tried it online) and they're giving me way fucking less than expected. Bullshit.


I had this huge dilemma yesterday.. Get my tax retuns and buy a new car or pay off fines and continue with trying to get into job corps. Now, my huge dilemma is my life. I can't do anything with what they're giving me back. Nothing. But, obviously, my past week doesn't justify as everything sucks. Oh no, my mom's week was worse. You know why? Because "she had to drive to oklahoma city and she didn't want to." Boo fucking hoo.

I've seriously never felt this fucking down about anything ever. I feel like an emo fag. I actually cried the other night (and the night before and yesterday) and fell asleep. I don't recall every stopping with the sobbing, so I cried myself to sleep. Pathetic. I've screamed, thrown and hit things so much in the last few days that I feel like Courtney Love during a withdrawal.

Maybe I'll lose weight. I obviously can't control anything else, so why not try something that I can control.

I hate this. I hate life. I hate me (at the moment.. other times I'm pretty fucking awesome.)

I'm worthless at the moment. I have no money, no job, no car, no phone, no dog.. and I'm not even good company.

My birthday is in four days. YAY! I have a feeling I'm going to hate being nineteen.


...it can't get any worse from here...
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